{"id":29,"date":"2023-06-08T19:45:56","date_gmt":"2023-06-08T19:45:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/?p=29"},"modified":"2023-07-22T21:43:20","modified_gmt":"2023-07-22T21:43:20","slug":"the-almighty-dollar","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/index.php\/2023\/06\/08\/the-almighty-dollar\/","title":{"rendered":"The Almighty Dollar"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

The “Almighty Dollar” in London Society<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

CHAPTER I.
Advertising for a Chaperon<\/h3>\n\n\n
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Americans are accused of having a too implicit confidence in the purchasing power of their country’s coin. In fact, certain foreigners have been known to say that the God referred to in the motto, “In God we trust,” engraved on the silver dollar, is in reality a deity of white metal designed and fashioned at the United States Mint.

“The trouble with your people,” said an Englishman to me recently, ” is that you put too much value on money. It is a convenient article, I will admit; but you seem to have an idea that you can do anything with it.”

“And, pray, will you give me a list of the things money will not buy in England as well as in
America?” I replied.

“Well, for instance,” he answered, ” take birth and position. You have an aristocracy of money in America. Here we have one of blood, where pounds, shillings, and pence are not taken into consideration.”

” Ah, indeed !” I responded, ” I don’t know anything about the pounds, shillings, and pence feature of the case; but I am inclined to think that our dollars and cents are something of a social factor over here.”

My English friend\u2014bless his dear old aristocratic heart!\u2014appeared to be greatly shocked at my suggestion, and assured me that I was mistaken. I longed for facts with which to confront him, and, having faith in advertising as a means of getting anything that one is willing to pay for, I wrote out an advertisement, which the next day appeared in the personal columns of a prominent London paper. Thus it ran :\u2014<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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A YOUNG AMERICAN LADY of means wishes to meet with a Chaperon of Highest Social Position, who will introduce her into the Best English Society. Liberal terms. Address, “Heiress,” \u2014.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Two days later, calling at the office of an advertising agency on Piccadilly, I found eighty-seven letters (needless to remark that there were no post-cards) in answer to my advertisement. I had offers from every fashionable neighbourhood in London. Park Lane, Cavendish Square, Grosvenor Square, South Kensington, West Kensington, all were represented; and the
thoughtlessness of the writers in signing their full names and titles to their epistles was
something that surprised me. However, nearly every letter was marked at the top “Confidential,” “Private,” or ” Personal,” and it seemed to be an understood thing that the affair should go no further. The confidence they exhibited in the “honour” of a total stranger was rather remarkable. Still, I hope the applicants will forgive me if, after having, in the kindness of my heart, kept their real names out of print, I am now tempted to publish some of their correspondence. Here is a copy of one of the letters :\u2014<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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“Private.]
” Madam,\u2014In answer to your advertisement, I beg to say that I have a very charming house at the above excellent address, which, in itself, would almost insure you a good social position. I speak of this, thinking that you, being an American, may not be aware that a good London address is of much importance in a social way to one whose position is not already established by birth. I am the widow of a well known English officer\u2014the late Sir Blankety Blank\u2014of whom you have doubtless heard, and I am also titled in my own right. My position is assured, and I can introduce you to the very best people in England, and present you at Court at the first Drawing Room. I could take you into my home next spring, or we could travel together during the winter and return to London at the beginning of the season. I would suggest that you spend the winter months, or part of them, in the South of France, where you would meet the most fashionable people. It may be of interest to you to know that I chaperoned Miss Porkolis, of Chicago, three years ago, and introduced her at Court, although she did not reside with me, as her mother took a furnished house in London for the season. I can give you good references as to my standing, and would require in return a solicitor’s and banker’s references as to your financial position.

” My terms in London for three months in the spring would be \u00a3200 per month, which would include board and residence. If you decided to travel, the terms while on the Continent would be\u00a3100 per month, you to pay the travelling and hotel expenses for both. Of course, you would also be expected to defray such expenses as carriage-hire, a maid, &c. In thinking over these terms, you must take into consideration that I offer you exceptional advantages.\u2014Very truly yours,<\/p>\n“A. B. C, Lady\u2014 .”<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

In reading this letter, I was particularly struck with the fact that the writer, although she required my banker’s and solicitor’s reference as to my financial standing, asked for no voucher for my respectability and position in my own country. She was ready to bargain to introduce me not only to the best English society, but to the Queen herself, for upwards of \u00a31,000, or something over 5,000 dols. in American money. I agreed with her that the advantages she had to offer were exceptional. The name the lady gave was one well known to me, and I was aware that she was not exaggerating when she spoke of her position in society. I had also the honour of a passing acquaintance with Miss Porkolis, whom she mentioned as having
chaperoned. Hiring the use of a private letter-box, I wrote Lady \u2014\u2014 a letter
couched in the following terms :\u2014<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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“Dear Madam,\u2014In reply to your letter, I think it only honourable that I should tell you something of myself before making an appointment to see you. I am an American girl, an orphan of considerable means, and am willing to pay liberally for what I require. I should, of course, give you the best of references in regard to my financial qualifications, and would even pay you a part of the money in advance ; but before meeting you I must be frank enough to inform you that although I myself am fairly educated and of presentable appearance, nearly all the members of my family are ordinary people, with little or no refinement and education. But, of course, none of them are in Europe, and you would never need come in contact with them. My father owned large ranches out West, and when he died, three years ago, left me the bulk of his fortune. I do not think there is anything about me that would lead you to feel ashamed of me; but I feel it my duty to tell you that, so far as the rest of my family are concerned, they are what in my country would be termed as ‘common as dirt.’

” Your terms are not higher than I should expect them to be. I like the idea of travelling in France; and when I returned to England I should want you to give some very elegant receptions and balls for me\u2014I, of course, to bear all expense connected with them.

” As I have told you so much about my private affairs, I would not care to give my name and address until I again hear from you, and know that you would be willing to undertake my chaperonage and introduction at Court under such circumstances as I have mentioned. If you answer in the affirmative, I will make an appointment for you to meet me at my hotel, where I am staying with my maid.\u2014I am, Madam, very truly yours,<\/p>\n\u2014\u2014Library, Regent Street, W. ” E. L. B.<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

The next day I received this note:\u2014<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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“Lady presents her compliments to E. L. B., and begs to say that she can see no reason why she should not act as her chaperon, provided E. L. B. is herself a refined young lady and can furnish the reference previously referred to from her solicitor and banker. Lady will be pleased if E. L. B. will make an early appointment for a meeting at her hotel.’<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

That was the end of my negotiations with Lady \u2014\u2014. Her answer to my very frank avowal of my family connections certainly proved that she cared little for my ancestry or antecedents, so long as I could furnish the necessary number of dollars.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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CHAPTER II.
OFFERS OF MARRIAGE.<\/h3>\n\n\n
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ALTHOUGH I had intended that my advertisement should appeal to lady chaperons only, I
received some rather flattering offers from members of the opposite sex. One of the most interesting of the letters was from a gentleman matrimonially inclined. Here it is word for word :\u2014<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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“Will the young American lady who has just put an advertisement in the paper relative to her desire to meet an English chaperon of high social position, allow the writer of this letter to address a few lines to her and, as Americans are always candid and outspoken, permit me to be the same? May I ask you to consider over what I write, and perhaps your advertisement may be the means of working out our mutual good.

” Possibly you may desire to enter London society with the idea of what is called ‘settling’ yourself. You may be more or less alone in England; and perhaps you like this country, its society, and customs. You would possibly desire to marry an Englishman of high social position, who could place you in a certain circle where you would lead others. I am a man who holds a first-rate position. I am a country gentlemen, have a fine place, house, and estate, have been an officer in a distinguished regiment, and know many people of position and rank. I am just at present in London ; and if you think it would be worth your trouble to at least talk the matter over, I would treat you with all honour and respect. This would, of course, include silence.

“On the other hand, it would be an absolute necessity that you should be a lady of considerable fortune ; and when I mention this, I trust that you will not judge me until you know my reasons for thus putting it. Whatever fortune you have would be always your own.
“If you think well of what I have written you, I would be most happy to meet you at whatever time you may appoint, at your own residence or elsewhere. Then judge me and see what manner of man I am.”<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

This communication bore the stamp of a well known West-End Club. In my answer I hinted that, although I had not advertised for a husband, I was not adverse to considering the matter to which he had so delicately alluded. Having a desire to follow up the affair, I engaged a room at a certain fashionable hotel for a day, and made an appointment for the gentleman to call. On the afternoon appointed I awaited him in the drawing-room of the hotel. I wore a stylish-looking costume, various pieces of showy jewellery, and a pair of diamond ear-rings, thinking to impress my would-be husband with a sense of my wealth.

At four o’clock in the afternoon my suitor made his appearance. He was a fine-looking
aristocratic man of middle age. His manners were refined and elegant, and I could not help thinking that I was dealing with neither a fool nor a knave, but with a thorough English gentlemen. We had half an hour’s chat, in which my social aspirations were discussed in the most business-like manner. I did not give my real name, neither did my companion tell me his own. I addressed him by the assumed name he had signed in his letter. He informed me that he was a widower of excellent position, but that he was somewhat financially embarrassed. He wished to marry a lady of wealth, and for the use of her money he was willing to give her his name and a good social position.

Afterwards I made some investigations in regard to the man; and to my surprise I found that he was exactly what he represented himself to be : a country gentleman of titled family, who was anxious to recuperate his decaying fortunes by marrying an heiress\u2014an American girl preferred. I discovered his real name and address, and since my interview with him I have often seen his name mentioned in the society columns of the papers.

He is still unmarried, and I suppose is still looking for a wife. So here is an opportunity for one of our American heiresses to purchase not only an introduction at Court but a husband with mortgaged estates in the bargain.

All the men who wrote seemed to hold the opinion that, as a rich American girl, my chief desire must be to capture an English husband. Not every one was so outspoken as the writer of the epistle I have just quoted ; but their letters contained either direct or indirect proposals of marriage, provided that, after a meeting, I proved to be personally and financially acceptable.
From one of the scions of the nobility came the following missive, penned on violet-scented paper:\u2014<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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” Mr. X. presents his compliments to ‘ Heiress,’ who advertised this morning for a chaperon, and begs to say that he would feel honoured by a reply to this letter. Mr. X. is the third son of the late \u2014\u2014, of whom the young lady has doubtless heard. lie is twenty-nine years old, of good appearance, and has served as an officer in the army. Mr. X. would much like to arrange for a meeting with the young lady, to whom he would show every courtesy, and might be able to suggest a way by which she could even more than gratify her ambition for a place in English society. He would be also pleased to give her the best references in regard to his character as well as his high social standing. A letter from ‘Heiress’ would be treated in all confidence by Mr. X.”<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

I had no need to investigate into the genuineness of the foregoing. I happened to have seen Mr. X.’s handwriting before. In fact, he had once been presented to me at the home of a mutual acquaintance. I did not answer his letter, but consigned it to the embers of my study fire.
On paper of the finest quality, ornamented with a family crest of considerable dimensions. Mrs. Twostars presented her compliments and begged to say that she would be happy to entertain the idea of chaperoning the young American lady and give her a delightful, cheerful home. Mrs. T., as well as her four daughters, had been presented at Court. The daughters had all married well, and their proud mother felt no compunction in saying that she thought she could introduce the young American lady to many gentlemen of birth and title, if not of fortune. She moved in excellent society, and was fond of entertaining. Terms for London season and presentation, \u00a3500, or 2,500 dols. Mrs. Twostars enclosed her photograph, a portrait of herself in her Drawing-Room gown, which, by the way, had a button off the front. The photograph was returned in the stamped and addressed envelope thoughtfully enclosed. The lady proved to be the daughter of a distinguished baronet, and the wife of a man well known in London society.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lady So-and-So, of Queen’s Gate, wrote that she would be glad to chaperon me. Terms \u00a3600 to \u00a3800 sterling, according to arrangements and the advantages required.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Countess de Blank was also open to an engagement. She was an Englishwoman married to a foreign title.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A certain dowager of exalted rank, well known on two continents, informed me that she would under take my chaperonage, and would hire a furnished house for me near Park Lane ; the rent would be not less than \u00a350 per week during the season. Her own place was in the country, and she had given up her town house. She would devote her whole attention to the management of the establishment, and would introduce me as her young American friend or distant relative, if I desired. Besides the house-rent, I must bear the entire expense of keeping up the place, giving balls, theatre-parties, &c., and the dowager herself would expect the sum of \u00a32,000 for her services. I supposed these figures were not remarkably high for a lady of so much “position,” and, having some curiosity to make her acquaintance, I wrote asking for an appointment to call.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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CHAPTER III.
WHAT IT WOULD COST.<\/h3>\n\n\n
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On the day appointed I started out to call on the lady who had intimated her willingness to chaperon me for \u00a32,000. It was with considerable self-confidence that I stepped from a smart brougham before the door of her aristocratic abode, for I carried with me the assurance of my dressmaker that I looked a veritable Western heiress just from Paris; and, the matter of dress being satisfactorily arranged, I felt no doubt as to my ability to carry out the role I had undertaken to play. The Dowager Lady \u2014\u2014 was particularly gracious. She was not by any means such a cold-blooded bargainer as I had imagined her to be\u2014that is, she did not look it. A more aristocratic, refined, and interesting woman I had never met. She candidly explained that she was in great need of money, and obliged to either increase her income or diminish her expenses. Unlike one of my other correspondents, she was unable to refer me to any American girl whom she had chaperoned, as she had never before attempted to make money out of her social position ; but she assured me that some of her friends made such use of their influence, and she saw no reason why she should not do the same. We discussed the pros and cons of the matter over our tea. I was promised not only a social position, but a husband. Just who the gentleman was my hostess did not say; but she knew he could be secured. But not for the \u00a32,000. Oh no ! That sum of money would take me only so far as Buckingham Palace. In fact, it would not even take me there ; for, besides my chaperon’s salary, I must pay the house-rent, carriage-hire, with such incidentals as butchers’ and bakers’ bills and other little accessories that in three months would certainly amount to considerably over \u00a31,000. Then there was my wardrobe. The lady suggested that it would need refurnishing, and she knew of a wonderfully clever West-End dressmaker. There were also the presentation dress, the bouquets, boatonni\u00e8res<\/em> for the coachmen, a string of pearls for my neck, because they would be girlish and simple, and all that; for these and many more things another \u00a31,000 would not go too far.
“And how much do you charge for the husband ?” was the abrupt question I felt inclined to put. But I only said sweetly, ” If I really got married, I would not forget you, of course.” She answered laughingly, ” You might make me a present, you know.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So the result of my interview was, that I was to pay out between \u00a34,000 and \u00a35,000 for a “season” in London, introductions into the best society, and a presentation at Court. It was more than probable that during my career as a society belle, some poor though perhaps fascinating young, middle-aged, or old nobleman (no matter what his age so long as his lineage was correct) would fall deeply in love with me, lured on possibly by my chaperon’s representations concerning the state of my cattle-ranches out West. Then I would marry him and be an ornament to society, and I would give Lady a little present of a cheque or a house in Park Lane, or even some land in the far Western State, where my herds grazed peacefully on a thousand hills. Surely the purchasing power of the “almighty dollar” was not to be despised!

Thinking to further increase my fund of information, I answered several advertisements that seemed to refer to the scheme I had taken in hand, In the financial column of a morning paper I found this :\u2014<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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A LADY OF TITLE wishes to borrow \u00a31,000 for six months. Would act as chaperon to young lady.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

I wrote to the address given, repeating my American heiress story. I stated that I was looking for a chaperon, and was willing to give<\/em>, instead of lend, \u00a31000 to the proper person. My answer came from a solicitor’s office. It read :\u2014<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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“Madam,\u2014My client, feeling:, as you do, the delicacy that exists in the matter, has handed to me your letter of the 10th inst., and has desired me to communicate with you thereon. There is no question that she is in a position to do what you desire ; and, as it is somewhat difficult to arrive at any conclusion by correspondence, I would suggest that you allow me to meet you with the view of thoroughly discussing the matter. I should be glad to see you either at my office or your house ; or, indeed, as ladies are admitted at the Club during the hour of afternoon tea, it might be convenient if the interview took place there, where, without any undue observation, I could arrange a meeting with my client.”<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Other advertisements to which I replied were somewhat of this kind :\u2014<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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A LADY OF GOOD POSITION, speaking several languages, expects to spend the winter on the Continent, and is willing to chaperon one or two young girls and receive them into her home on
her return to London.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

When I wrote to the advertisers, most of them stated that they would prefer an American girl to travel and live with them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At the beginning of my investigations. I did not start out with a lantern searching for an honest
man; but I think I found him by answering this advertisement :\u2014<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A FAMILY OF GOOD POSITION will give Board and Residence to Young Lady in West-End. Will chaperon her if desired.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In reply to the letter, in which I frankly confided all my social aspirations, I received a note that seemed likely to destroy one of the most valuable commercial qualities that I, as a journalist, had hitherto possessed \u2014 my cynicism. Here it is :\u2014<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Dear Madam,\u2014Under the peculiar circumstances, I am sure it will be better that we commence our negotiations by showing mutual trust in each other. I therefore give you my full address and write in my own name, feeling sure that you will appreciate my motives, and keep the knowledge to yourself. You can readily understand that in our position we do not want the matter to become public property or the subject of talk.
“My wife could, I think, introduce you into good English society, but not into titled society, which I know is aimed at by many American ladies, but in reality is only gained by the assistance of the needy nobility \u2014 mostly dowagers with small means and ‘marketable handles’ to their names.
“You, I think, will see that it is not practicable to give exact terms, as you asked for in your letter, without much more information than can be given in any letter, however explicit. Could you arrange, therefore, to call here at any time (we do not object to a Sunday) and see my wife and myself, when doubtless we might come to some pleasant arrangements and understanding ? “<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oh, Diogenes! what a pity you did not read the advertising columns of the morning papers! With the exception of the one honest man whose letter I have quoted, none of those with whom I had negotiations refused to entertain my proposition, even when I acknowledged my deplorable lack of ancestry and proper family connections. The large fortune I represented myself as possessing seemed to cover a multitude of embarrassing circumstances, if not positive sins. Had I carried my experiment further and been introduced and presented at Court, I should only have been one of numerous Americans who have walked on a golden pavement to the Throne Room of Buckingham Palace.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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CHAPTER IV.
INTERESTING ANTECEDENTS.<\/h3>\n\n\n
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It may be of interest to English readers to know something concerning my countrywomen who have made a sensation during a London season. Many of them are unknown, or at least
unrecognised, by the best American society.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Take Miss Porkolis, for example, the Western girl whom Lady \u2014\u2014 spoke of having chaperoned. Her grandfather was interested in the lard business, and who her great-grandfather was history sayeth not. The present Mr. Porkolis has retired to a country house and lives on his income.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When Miss Porkolis was introduced to London society she was even in a worse state than I represented myself to be; for not only were the members of her family unrefined and
uneducated, but the young lady herself made the most startling blunders in grammar and spelling. No wonder that Lady , in considering my proposition, made the proviso that I myself must be possessed of some refinement and education. She was doubtless thinking of the many embarrassments she suffered during the career of Miss Porkolis !<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There were the Cole-Kings, two sisters, chaperoned by a well-known social star. Both were beautiful, fascinating, and wealthy. They were from the Wild West, but were educated in an Eastern seminary, and then sent to a “finishing school” to be polished off. The polishing process lasted over two years; and then, after a vain attempt to number themselves among the New York “Four Hundred,” they made a trip over the Continent, and turned up in London in time for the festivities of the season.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Diamondsons came over en famille<\/em>, and entertained magnificently in London not a dozen years ago. Everybody went to their ” crushes,” because with them money seemed to be no object. In speaking of the British and American monetary system one time, Mr. Diamondson was heard to remark that, although he generally thought in dollars, he would just as soon pay out pounds as dollars, as it was simply a matter of multiplication by five anyhow. So when Miss Evelyn Diamondson wanted a dress from Messrs. Swagger and Swell, it made no difference to her adoring father whether it cost one hundred dollars or one hundred pounds. It was, then, not surprising that, with all their recklessness as regarded the expenditure of money, the Diamondsons became immensely popular. Their daughter almost<\/em> married a man of high degree in England, and then quite<\/em> married a titled foreigner \u2014 a harmless sort of person, who
contentedly spends the income allowed him by his father-in-law.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I could give a long list of my recently Anglicised countrypeople who in England are mistakenly
looked upon as fair specimens of America’s best citizens. There are the Snobsons, of wheat farm fame; the Candlemans, who grew opulent on the proceeds of their tallow and fat business ; and the Welldiggers, who awoke one morning to find themselves millionaires, one of the “hired men” having “struck oil” on the outskirts of the farm after the rest of the family had gone to bed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mr. Welldigger took the hired man into partnership, and proposed that he should marry Angelica, his only daughter. But Angelica positively declined, having made up her mind to cross the ocean and marry a title, which she did, and greatly to her credit too, for never a girl fished harder with gilded bait than did Angelica.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The prevalence of French names and hyphens among the signatures of rich Americans has often been remarked upon. About the first thing that occurs to a man with newly-acquired wealth and social aspirations is to make some sort of change in his name, if it happens to be an unfashionable one, which is often the case. If Patrick Rafferty becomes a millionaire by a sudden speculation, either he or his wife will immediately discover that the family is really of French origin, and that the name should be pronounced Raffertay<\/em>, with the accent on the last syllable; while if Luther Jones determines to attempt to scale the social ladder in London, he will have new cards engraved, which will read thus : “Mr. Luther-Jones.” Then the French “de ” is also quite popular among our would-be aristocrats, and such names as “de Brown ” and “de Smithers ” are considered quite the thing for a family about to make a European trip.
And yet, ” what’s in a name ?” So far as society is concerned, the daughters of the men I have mentioned would have experienced no difficulty in finding chaperons to introduce them in London even if their names had been plain Jones or Smithers, so long as they paid the price, which I have discovered is made according to the advantages offered.
So, after all my investigations, my faith in the purchasing power of the ” Almighty Dollar” still remains unshaken. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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THE PRICE OF A PEDIGREE.<\/h3>\n\n\n
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WHEN General Harrison was running for the Presidency, the members of the opposition party looked about for a slur to cast upon him. Finally, they brought forward an accusation of the gravest possible kind. It was that the poor man had a grandfather, which, being altogether unAmerican, proved conclusively that he ought never to be elected President of the United States.

During that campaign many good Democrats put the pictures of their ancestors away in the attic, or turned them with faces towards the wall, in order to escape the imputation of being traitors to Democratic principles. In certain circles it was looked upon as nothing short of a crime to have a family-tree and to be able to tell with any degree of certainty from which branch one had sprouted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I do not know whether General Harrison’s election had anything to do with making grandfathers more popular, but for the past few years I have noticed that not only grandfathers, but ancestors removed many generations back, were getting immensely fashionable, especially among people of suddenly acquired wealth. It has often occurred to me that there must be some sort of mill or shop where forefathers and coats-of-arms were made to order. I have known persons who one month wrote on plain note-paper, drove in hired hansoms, and had the walls of the ” parlour” adorned with chromos, who the next month indited notes on stationery embossed with strangely-wrought characters in gold and bronze and purple, and invited their friends to call at a new house, where, on the drawing-room walls, hung old fashioned gilded frames, from which stared cracked and battered portraits of men and women of ancient times. I have always noticed that the advent of these things was simultaneous with a rise in the price of pork, the finding of a new mine, or a hitherto undiscovered oil-well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some years ago a young New York lawyer, who, had he lived in England, would have been known as a ” briefless barrister,” confided to me that he wished to go to one of the Western States and start in his profession, but he was kept back for the lack of a few hundred dollars. He was clever, talented, and had boundless ambition, the sort of man that always rises in America. He had been an only son, but his parents had left him no legacy, except an honoured name and a family-tree of considerable dimensions. One day, in talking over his resources, a sudden thought occurred to him, and his face brightened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Do you know,” said he, ” it seems as if those ancestors of mine ought to be worth something to me in a crisis like this! “<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“But they’re not,” I answered. “You know they’re as dead as a door-nail. There’s nothing for you but to go and saw wood.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Still he persisted that ancestors were realisable assets, if he could only find a market for them, and explained that many a rich man would be glad to own such a pedigree and coat-of-arms as he possessed. The next day he brought a parcel of papers, which contained a full account of his genealogy, a description of his ancestral halls, and a crest of no mean order; and, going over them, he made it clear to me just how, with a few slight changes, everything might be made to apply to almost any person and fit the case exactly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At first I was shocked, and could not enter into the spirit of the thing, though I could not but admire his resourceful mind. There seemed to be something uncanny and sacrilegious about selling off one’s forefather’s like that, and I told him so, comparing him to Esau, who sold his birthright for a mess of pottage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I went to South America soon afterwards, and thought no more about the affair until three or four months ago I received a marked copy of a Western paper, which spoke of the fame recently achieved by a rising young lawyer, who was one of the coming men of the great West. It was my old-time friend, and I fell to wondering whether he had realised a sufficient amount on his pedigree to enable him to make the start he wanted. I wrote, asking him if he had succeeded in disposing of his heritage, and also desired him to give me any additional information he could in regard to modern genealogical matters. A few weeks later I had a letter from him, stating that, soon after I left New York, he had found a buyer for his wares in the person of a wealthy citizen of Dakota, who, happening to have the same name as his own (which was not an uncommon one), paid him $800 down cash, and was not even put to the trouble of making any changes. At the close of his letter he wrote :\u2014<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

“You probably have not heard that the High fliers, of Wyoming, have suddenly come out with a coat-of-arms and weird-looking old oil paintings. I have taken the pains to investigate it for you, and I understand that they had some private person, who lives hear London, to attend to the matter for them. The coat-of-arms is not genuine, I am sure, and the paintings, though doubtless somebody’s ancestors, are not their own. You might go and see the man in the interest of your profession. His address is . As for myself, I am getting on swimmingly since I sold my birthright, and when anyone inquires into the details of my forbears, I put them off with the quotation :

” ‘ The rank is but the guinea stamp, The man’s the man for a’ that.’ “<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

The place indicated was in one of the suburbs of London, and I called twice at the address before I found the person I sought. The gentility and unpretentious bearing of the house I visited rather disappointed me ; for I half-expected to see a shop with crests, stamps, and trees displayed in the window, and suspended over the door some such sign as “Pedigrees While You Wait.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The man who answered to the name my friend had given me was also a disappointment. He did not have the appearance of a manufacturer of ancestors and armorial ensigns. He was a thorough gentleman, but not like an Englishman. He seemed to be of German extraction, though he spoke without an accent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I explained that I was an American, and was anxious to obtain some information concerning my father’s people, who were English. I gave my name as Miss Helen Simpkins. I think the name must have discouraged him at once; for he put on an exceedingly doubtful look, as if wondering whether any good could come out of the Simpkinses or, rather, if the Simpkinses could have come out of any good. The name certainly did not have an aristocratic ring about it. That was why I gave it. I thought it quite as good as Highflier, and likely to bring about just as satisfactory results.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Simpkins, Simpkins,” he repeated in a musing sort of way. “Is that an old English name?”
” I don’t know how old it is,” I answered,”but it is my name, and my father’s people were English.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I want to find out who they were and what they were. I understand that you make investigations of this kind for Americans.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Yes,” he answered, with the semblance of a smile. ” I have sometimes done that, as I am
interested in the study of genealogy and the subject of heredity, though I do not make a
business of it. Yet I have helped some of your country people in that way.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“How much does it cost ? ” I asked bluntly.” Well, my charge, of course, depends upon the trouble I am obliged to take. I suppose you have some information to give me concerning your grandfather, great-grandfather, where they lived, whether they were what is known as gentlemen, and when they went to America ? It may be a very simple matter, in which case the cost would be trifling\u2014not more than five or six guineas.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He seemed so genuine, so honest, and withal such a gentleman, that I began to believe he never could have helped the Highfliers in their quest of a lineage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“You see,” said I, ” my father and mother are not living, and, as I am the only member of the family, I have no means of finding out anything concerning my father’s ancestors, except that I know his father was named Samuel Simpkins and lived somewhere in England. I thought you could hunt all that up for me ; and I was prepared to pay you for your trouble, whatever you might ask.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I spoke in a melancholy, innocent sort of tone, and my auditor smiled good-naturedly, as he said:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“I am afraid I could not do anything with such vague information as you have at your command, even though you gave me a thousand pounds. We must have something to start on, and you have nothing. If you are a wealthy American lady, as I suppose you are, I would not, if I were you, bother myself about questions of this sort. Indeed, you have no necessity to trouble about ancestors. To be an American woman is honour enough.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He was so very kind and so American-like in his gallantry, that I felt like confessing myself a sham; but the thought of Henrietta Highflier, and all the airs she had doubtless assumed with her new-found dignity, induced me to make another effort before giving up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“I am so sorry ; I thought you could help me. I understood that you did something for the
Highfliers, of Wyoming. Did Mr. Highflier know anything more about his grandfathers than I know about mine?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He smiled when I mentioned the name of Highflier.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

” Yes, I did put myself to considerable trouble for the Highfliers,” he answered ; ” but theirs was a peculiar case.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Mine is also a peculiar case. It is not pleasant to know nothing about one’s people. I have come to England purposely to find out, and I don’t like to go back to America with no more information than when I came. I am willing to pay anything you ask for the trouble I make you. I have no one to care what I do with my money.” I was anxious to get away from this very pleasant man, but still I must know about the Highfliers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Is it then for America only that you wish a coat-of-arms and a genealogical-table? You do not intend to remain in England or on the Continent ?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Yes, I want something to show my American friends, a crest for the brougham and stamp for mynote paper. I do not expect to stop in England after this month,” was my reply.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Very well,” he said. “I can supply you with what you seem to want for two hundred pounds, if you desire to spend your money so foolishly. I will be perfectly honest with you and tell you that it will be better for you to use the crest only in America where people will not put it to a close scrutiny. You had best think the matter over before you decide. You look intelligent and I think you can understand my position in the matter. I am always honourable in my dealings.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Did you arrange it that way for the Highfliers?” I asked, making my final stroke, as I prepared to leave.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

” I am hardly at liberty to answer your question,” he replied with great dignity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He shook hands, and bowed me out in a kindly, fatherly sort of way. I could not help but admire the genuineness of the man who did not attempt to pass off a sham thing for a real. If rich Americans were willing to pay him a thousand dollars for drawing original pictures of trees, animals, and coronets and making a list of names on paper or attaching them to the branches of an apple-tree, knowing the while that they were pictures only, nobody could blame him for amusing himself and accepting the money.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After my interview with the man who did the Highfliers such an inestimable service, I discovered another person in the City who, without troubling me with embarrassing questions concerning the Simpkinses of a past age, would undertake to provide me with a noble line of ancestors extending back several generations, his charges to be according to the length of the line. This was reasonable enough ; for, of course, the larger the number of ancestors, the more time and thought spent in the investigation, or manufacture, as the case might be. I considered this plan of supplying forefathers at so much a head the only true business-like way of carrying out such a transaction. If I cared for a pedigree to begin with the thirteenth, fourteenth, or fifteenth century, the price would naturally be higher than one which started in the seventeenth or eighteenth century. The lowest price for which any investigation would be undertaken was \u00a350, while a coat-of-arms would be ” authenticated ” for \u00a310 extra. I presume that this price would be increased if I demanded anything of a very elaborate order.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who study the advertising columns of the daily papers have doubtless often noticed the advertisement of a “private gentleman,” who advises Americans and others that he is prepared to authenticate pedigrees and emblazon escutcheons at reasonable terms. Many of my country people who visit London during the season have received from this gentleman neatly-engraved cards, stating that he makes a speciality of the study of heraldry in connection with the stationery business. He says that many Americans, though they know it not, can really trace their families back to the blood royal of England. But this gentleman’s customers are not all Americans. He has been patronised by numbers of City men and tradespeople of London, who, with the acquisition of wealth made in stockbroking or the drapery trade, feel a sudden craving for knowledge of their ancestry. Many of them are so deceived by the pedigree-maker that they believe the strange, weird tales he tells them, while others are satisfied to make their neighbours believe them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The genealogies thus supplied are probably quite as genuine as many of those collected
together in certain books relating to the existing gentle and noble families of England. In looking over these publications, I have often been struck with the fact that nearly all the pedigrees commence with the time of Conquest, and I have been surprised to find that nearly everybody worth mentioning had ancestors who were ” close friends ” of William the Conqueror. It is wonderful the number of intimate companions that crusty old invader had ! According to the genealogical records, they were more numerous than the sands of the desert. In some of these pedigrees there seem to have been at times several generations that got lost in some unaccountable way, so that in many instances it would appear that certain men must have been the sons of their great-great grandfathers, unless, like Topsy, they “just growed.” Such discrepancies as these are doubtless due to the stupidity of pedigree-makers who lived two or three centuries ago, and they have been allowed to go on uncorrected. Nineteenth-century genealogists know their business better, and they go on the principle that “what is worth doing at all is worth doing well;” hence a pedigree now made to order reads smoothly and consistently, and the possessor may congratulate himself on the fact that he is able to secure the very latest thing in this line.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some genealogists have been known to show a sense of the eternal fitness of things by
supplying their customers with crests and arms to suit their particular vocations. A few years ago a wealthy Chicago pork-dealer, who had expressed his willingness to pay a large sum of money for a crest and family-tree, was much insulted on receiving a sheet of paper stamped with a picture of three wild boars standing on their hind legs. He refused to pay for it on the ground that it was too personal, and now his carriage panels are ornamented with a crest of an entirely different character. If people would only be more consistent in such matters, the art of heraldry might be put to much greater use than it is at present; but consistency is so costly a jewel that there are few who can afford to wear it. How convenient it would be if Miss Brewer, of Milwaukee, would have the top of her note-paper embellished with a drawing of a brightly coloured cask or barrel! On the family plate of the wealthy Dakota farmer might be engraved a sheaf of wheat, while the escutcheon of the Pennsylvania coal baron could be adorned with a
representation of a glowing furnace.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In these days of the ” new woman,” the ” new journalism,” the “new drama,” and the “new art,” I am surprised that someone does not invent something original in the way of pedigrees, and call it the ” new heraldry.” Cannot a man be found who is bold and honest enough to start his pedigree in the latter part of the nineteenth century, commencing with himself, and taking for his coat-of-arms the symbol of his own trade or profession? Such a course would be the only proper one for so-called ” self-made ” men to adopt, both in England and America. In such a case, a very appropriate motto would be “Every Man His Own Ancestor.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But until such a person comes forward, I suppose we shall have to put up with such
improvements and conveniences as we already have, which, after all, are not to be despised. “Made ancestors” possess peculiar advantages over the genuine articles, inasmuch as they may be manufactured at notice to suit all tastes and requirements. Then, too, the plan, to a great extent, does away with the family skeletons of a past generation, which are always liable to pop up at inopportune times and create embarrassments. According to the present method, anybody with money may be descended from knights, earls, dukes, and even kings, all of the best variety and irreproachable character. Crests of colours and designs most pleasing to the eye may always be obtained, and the coat of mail that stands in the hall may be ever bright and new.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those plebeians who insist on pedigrees of ancient date may be accommodated by entering into negotiations with the aristocratic poor of all countries, and even persons with genealogies and crests of their own are privileged to have them altered and rearranged at pleasure. In this connection I am reminded of the story of a Boston lady, who, visiting London recently, decided to go to a sort of private heraldic bureau and have her ancestors hunted up. It transpired that the lady was really of noble lineage, but when she was shown the coat-of-arms which had belonged to her family centuries ago, she nearly fainted at the sight of the snakes and lizards that formed a prominent part of the crest. She declared that she hated ” crawling things,” and demanded a new one. The man of heralds tried to explain to her that the snakes and lizards were only symbols, but all to no effect, and he was finally obliged to make her a new coat-of-arms, in which frisking greyhounds took the place of the objectionable features.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It must, however, be admitted that the present system has its drawbacks as well as its
conveniences, in that the owners of genuine crests are never safe in their possessions. If a neighbour admires the style and design, there seems to be nothing to prevent his having it copied, with, perhaps, a very small difference as regards details. It is said that an English diplomat, who some years ago resided in America, ordered from a Washington manufacturer a new brougham, with the instruction that on the panels should be painted his coat-of-arms. A few weeks later, on visiting the carriage shop, he found that several new turn-outs were standing about, emblazoned in the same way as the one he ordered. He thought, perhaps, the manufacturer was intending to make him a present.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

” Are these all mine ? ” he asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Oh, no ! ” answered the manufacturer. “Some of my customers so much admired the picture on your brougham that they decided to have it copied on their own carriages. Rather a compliment to your taste, I take!” This story, however, is given more credence in England than in the ‘United States.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have found that none of the pedigree “shops ” are entirely patronised by Americans. Many of their customers are to be found among the English middle classes. Snobs are not indigenous to republics. They are quite as numerous in monarchies.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are certain people who do not care to patronise the ” shops,” preferring rather to carry on their transactions privately. It is mostly in this way that those persons who have a family backing and no money are enabled to meet others who have the money but no backing, and so they make a fair exchange, which is no robbery.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Since my investigation into this matter, I have begun to have a strangely suspicious feeling about some of my personal acquaintances, who, it has often occurred to me, talk more than is really necessary concerning their noble or gentle descent. I have even grown cynical as regards the thorough-bredness of my black poodle, whom I had hitherto looked upon as being descended from a long line of patrician Parisians. Now, whenever I notice him attempting to show any superiority over the unkempt mongrel that he passes on the street, I push back the fringe that hangs about his face and looking him in the eyes, say, “Dear old doggie! you must not be vain because of your supposed high-born condition, for I have discovered that there are PEDIGREES FOR ALL<\/font>.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The “Almighty Dollar” in London Society CHAPTER I.Advertising for a Chaperon Americans are accused of having a too implicit confidence in the purchasing power of their country’s coin. In fact, certain foreigners have been known to say that the God referred to in the motto, “In God we trust,” engraved on the silver dollar, is…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-29","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-chapter"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=29"}],"version-history":[{"count":19,"href":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":231,"href":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29\/revisions\/231"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=29"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=29"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=29"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}