{"id":494,"date":"2023-10-28T18:39:27","date_gmt":"2023-10-28T18:39:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/?p=494"},"modified":"2023-10-28T18:39:27","modified_gmt":"2023-10-28T18:39:27","slug":"alice-in-wonderland-ch-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/index.php\/2023\/10\/28\/alice-in-wonderland-ch-3\/","title":{"rendered":"Alice in Wonderland\u2014Ch. 3"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale<\/h1>\n\n\n
\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

They were indeed a queer-looking party that assembled on the bank\u2014the birds with draggled feathers, the animals with their fur clinging close to them, and all dripping wet, cross, and uncomfortable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The first question of course was, how to get dry again: they had a consultation about this, and after a few minutes it seemed quite natural to Alice to find herself talking familiarly with them, as if she had known them all her life. Indeed, she had quite a long argument with the Lory, who at last turned sulky, and would only say, \u201cI am older than you, and must know better;\u201d and this Alice would not allow without knowing how old it was, and, as the Lory positively refused to tell its age, there was no more to be said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a person of authority among them, called out, \u201cSit down, all of you, and listen to me! I\u2019ll<\/em> soon make you dry enough!\u201d They all sat down at once, in a large ring, with the Mouse in the middle. Alice kept her eyes anxiously fixed on it, for she felt sure she would catch a bad cold if she did not get dry very soon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAhem!\u201d said the Mouse with an important air, \u201care you all ready? This is the driest thing I know. Silence all round, if you please! \u2018William the Conqueror, whose cause was favoured by the pope, was soon submitted to by the English, who wanted leaders, and had been of late much accustomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria\u2014\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cUgh!\u201d said the Lory, with a shiver.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI beg your pardon!\u201d said the Mouse, frowning, but very politely: \u201cDid you speak?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNot I!\u201d said the Lory hastily.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI thought you did,\u201d said the Mouse. \u201c\u2014I proceed. \u2018Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria, declared for him: and even Stigand, the patriotic archbishop of Canterbury, found it advisable\u2014\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cFound what<\/em>?\u201d said the Duck.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cFound it<\/em>,\u201d the Mouse replied rather crossly: \u201cof course you know what \u2018it\u2019 means.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI know what \u2018it\u2019 means well enough, when I<\/em> find a thing,\u201d said the Duck: \u201cit\u2019s generally a frog or a worm. The question is, what did the archbishop find?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Mouse did not notice this question, but hurriedly went on, \u201c\u2018\u2014found it advisable to go with Edgar Atheling to meet William and offer him the crown. William\u2019s conduct at first was moderate. But the insolence of his Normans\u2014\u2019 How are you getting on now, my dear?\u201d it continued, turning to Alice as it spoke.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAs wet as ever,\u201d said Alice in a melancholy tone: \u201cit doesn\u2019t seem to dry me at all.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIn that case,\u201d said the Dodo solemnly, rising to its feet, \u201cI move that the meeting adjourn, for the immediate adoption of more energetic remedies\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSpeak English!\u201d said the Eaglet. \u201cI don\u2019t know the meaning of half those long words, and, what\u2019s more, I don\u2019t believe you do either!\u201d And the Eaglet bent down its head to hide a smile: some of the other birds tittered audibly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat I was going to say,\u201d said the Dodo in an offended tone, \u201cwas, that the best thing to get us dry would be a Caucus-race.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat is<\/em> a Caucus-race?\u201d said Alice; not that she wanted much to know, but the Dodo had paused as if it thought that somebody<\/em> ought to speak, and no one else seemed inclined to say anything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhy,\u201d said the Dodo, \u201cthe best way to explain it is to do it.\u201d (And, as you might like to try the thing yourself, some winter day, I will tell you how the Dodo managed it.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

First it marked out a race-course, in a sort of circle, (\u201cthe exact shape doesn\u2019t matter,\u201d it said,) and then all the party were placed along the course, here and there. There was no \u201cOne, two, three, and away,\u201d but they began running when they liked, and left off when they liked, so that it was not easy to know when the race was over. However, when they had been running half an hour or so, and were quite dry again, the Dodo suddenly called out \u201cThe race is over!\u201d and they all crowded round it, panting, and asking, \u201cBut who has won?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This question the Dodo could not answer without a great deal of thought, and it sat for a long time with one finger pressed upon its forehead (the position in which you usually see Shakespeare, in the pictures of him), while the rest waited in silence. At last the Dodo said, \u201cEverybody<\/em> has won, and all must have prizes.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBut who is to give the prizes?\u201d quite a chorus of voices asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhy, she<\/em>, of course,\u201d said the Dodo, pointing to Alice with one finger; and the whole party at once crowded round her, calling out in a confused way, \u201cPrizes! Prizes!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Alice had no idea what to do, and in despair she put her hand in her pocket, and pulled out a box of comfits, (luckily the salt water had not got into it), and handed them round as prizes. There was exactly one a-piece, all round.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBut she must have a prize herself, you know,\u201d said the Mouse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOf course,\u201d the Dodo replied very gravely. \u201cWhat else have you got in your pocket?\u201d he went on, turning to Alice.<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

\u201cOnly a thimble,\u201d said Alice sadly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHand it over here,\u201d said the Dodo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then they all crowded round her once more, while the Dodo solemnly presented the thimble, saying \u201cWe beg your acceptance of this elegant thimble;\u201d and, when it had finished this short speech, they all cheered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, but they all looked so grave that she did not dare to laugh; and, as she could not think of anything to say, she simply bowed, and took the thimble, looking as solemn as she could.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The next thing was to eat the comfits: this caused some noise and confusion, as the large birds complained that they could not taste theirs, and the small ones choked and had to be patted on the back. However, it was over at last, and they sat down again in a ring, and begged the Mouse to tell them something more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou promised to tell me your history, you know,\u201d said Alice, \u201cand why it is you hate\u2014C and D,\u201d she added in a whisper, half afraid that it would be offended again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMine is a long and a sad tale!\u201d said the Mouse, turning to Alice, and sighing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt is<\/em> a long tail, certainly,\u201d said Alice, looking down with wonder at the Mouse\u2019s tail; \u201cbut why do you call it sad?\u201d And she kept on puzzling about it while the Mouse was speaking, so that her idea of the tale was something like this:\u2014 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cFury said to a mouse, \nThat he met in the house, \n\u2018Let us both go to law: I<\/em> will prosecute you<\/em>.\n\u2014Come, I\u2019ll take no denial; \nWe must have a trial: \nFor really this morning I\u2019ve nothing to do.\u2019 \nSaid the mouse to the cur, \n\u2018Such a trial, dear sir, \nWith no jury or judge, would be wasting our breath.\u2019 \n\u2018I\u2019ll be judge, I\u2019ll be jury,\u2019 \nSaid cunning old Fury: \n\u2018I\u2019ll try the whole cause, and condemn you to death.\u2019\u201d<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou are not attending!\u201d said the Mouse to Alice severely. \u201cWhat are you thinking of?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI beg your pardon,\u201d said Alice very humbly: \u201cyou had got to the fifth bend, I think?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI had not!<\/em>\u201d cried the Mouse, sharply and very angrily.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cA knot!\u201d said Alice, always ready to make herself useful, and looking anxiously about her. \u201cOh, do let me help to undo it!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI shall do nothing of the sort,\u201d said the Mouse, getting up and walking away. \u201cYou insult me by talking such nonsense!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t mean it!\u201d pleaded poor Alice. \u201cBut you\u2019re so easily offended, you know!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The Mouse only growled in reply.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cPlease come back and finish your story!\u201d Alice called after it; and the others all joined in chorus, \u201cYes, please do!\u201d but the Mouse only shook its head impatiently, and walked a little quicker.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat a pity it wouldn\u2019t stay!\u201d sighed the Lory, as soon as it was quite out of sight; and an old Crab took the opportunity of saying to her daughter \u201cAh, my dear! Let this be a lesson to you never to lose your<\/em> temper!\u201d \u201cHold your tongue, Ma!\u201d said the young Crab, a little snappishly. \u201cYou\u2019re enough to try the patience of an oyster!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI wish I had our Dinah here, I know I do!\u201d said Alice aloud, addressing nobody in particular. \u201cShe\u2019d soon fetch it back!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAnd who is Dinah, if I might venture to ask the question?\u201d said the Lory.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Alice replied eagerly, for she was always ready to talk about her pet: \u201cDinah\u2019s our cat. And she\u2019s such a capital one for catching mice you can\u2019t think! And oh, I wish you could see her after the birds! Why, she\u2019ll eat a little bird as soon as look at it!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This speech caused a remarkable sensation among the party. Some of the birds hurried off at once: one old Magpie began wrapping itself up very carefully, remarking, \u201cI really must be getting home; the night-air doesn\u2019t suit my throat!\u201d and a Canary called out in a trembling voice to its children, \u201cCome away, my dears! It\u2019s high time you were all in bed!\u201d On various pretexts they all moved off, and Alice was soon left alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI wish I hadn\u2019t mentioned Dinah!\u201d she said to herself in a melancholy tone. \u201cNobody seems to like her, down here, and I\u2019m sure she\u2019s the best cat in the world! Oh, my dear Dinah! I wonder if I shall ever see you any more!\u201d And here poor Alice began to cry again, for she felt very lonely and low-spirited. In a little while, however, she again heard a little pattering of footsteps in the distance, and she looked up eagerly, half hoping that the Mouse had changed his mind, and was coming back to finish his story.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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