![\"A](\"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/illustration-20-247x300.png\")
<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\nThe Fish-Footman began by producing from under his arm a great letter, nearly as large as himself, and this he handed over to the other, saying, in a solemn tone, \u201cFor the Duchess. An invitation from the Queen to play croquet.\u201d The Frog-Footman repeated, in the same solemn tone, only changing the order of the words a little, \u201cFrom the Queen. An invitation for the Duchess to play croquet.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then they both bowed low, and their curls got entangled together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Alice laughed so much at this, that she had to run back into the wood for fear of their hearing her; and when she next peeped out the Fish-Footman was gone, and the other was sitting on the ground near the door, staring stupidly up into the sky.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Alice went timidly up to the door, and knocked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThere\u2019s no sort of use in knocking,\u201d said the Footman, \u201cand that for two reasons. First, because I\u2019m on the same side of the door as you are; secondly, because they\u2019re making such a noise inside, no one could possibly hear you.\u201d And certainly there was<\/em> a most extraordinary noise going on within\u2014a constant howling and sneezing, and every now and then a great crash, as if a dish or kettle had been broken to pieces.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cPlease, then,\u201d said Alice, \u201chow am I to get in?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThere might be some sense in your knocking,\u201d the Footman went on without attending to her, \u201cif we had the door between us. For instance, if you were inside<\/em>, you might knock, and I could let you out, you know.\u201d He was looking up into the sky all the time he was speaking, and this Alice thought decidedly uncivil. \u201cBut perhaps he can\u2019t help it,\u201d she said to herself; \u201chis eyes are so very<\/em> nearly at the top of his head. But at any rate he might answer questions.\u2014How am I to get in?\u201d she repeated, aloud.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI shall sit here,\u201d the Footman remarked, \u201ctill tomorrow\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n At this moment the door of the house opened, and a large plate came skimming out, straight at the Footman\u2019s head: it just grazed his nose, and broke to pieces against one of the trees behind him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201c\u2014or next day, maybe,\u201d the Footman continued in the same tone, exactly as if nothing had happened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cHow am I to get in?\u201d asked Alice again, in a louder tone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAre<\/em> you to get in at all?\u201d said the Footman. \u201cThat\u2019s the first question, you know.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n It was, no doubt: only Alice did not like to be told so. \u201cIt\u2019s really dreadful,\u201d she muttered to herself, \u201cthe way all the creatures argue. It\u2019s enough to drive one crazy!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n The Footman seemed to think this a good opportunity for repeating his remark, with variations. \u201cI shall sit here,\u201d he said, \u201con and off, for days and days.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBut what am I<\/em> to do?\u201d said Alice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAnything you like,\u201d said the Footman, and began whistling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOh, there\u2019s no use in talking to him,\u201d said Alice desperately: \u201che\u2019s perfectly idiotic!\u201d And she opened the door and went in.<\/p>\n\n\n The door led right into a large kitchen, which was full of smoke from one end to the other: the Duchess was sitting on a three-legged stool in the middle, nursing a baby; the cook was leaning over the fire, stirring a large cauldron which seemed to be full of soup.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThere\u2019s certainly too much pepper in that soup!\u201d Alice said to herself, as well as she could for sneezing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n There was certainly too much of it in the air. Even the Duchess sneezed occasionally; and as for the baby, it was sneezing and howling alternately without a moment\u2019s pause. The only things in the kitchen that did not sneeze, were the cook, and a large cat which was sitting on the hearth and grinning from ear to ear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cPlease would you tell me,\u201d said Alice, a little timidly, for she was not quite sure whether it was good manners for her to speak first, \u201cwhy your cat grins like that?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIt\u2019s a Cheshire cat,\u201d said the Duchess, \u201cand that\u2019s why. Pig!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n She said the last word with such sudden violence that Alice quite jumped; but she saw in another moment that it was addressed to the baby, and not to her, so she took courage, and went on again:\u2014<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI didn\u2019t know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, I didn\u2019t know that cats could<\/em> grin.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThey all can,\u201d said the Duchess; \u201cand most of \u2019em do.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI don\u2019t know of any that do,\u201d Alice said very politely, feeling quite pleased to have got into a conversation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou don\u2019t know much,\u201d said the Duchess; \u201cand that\u2019s a fact.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Alice did not at all like the tone of this remark, and thought it would be as well to introduce some other subject of conversation. While she was trying to fix on one, the cook took the cauldron of soup off the fire, and at once set to work throwing everything within her reach at the Duchess and the baby\u2014the fire-irons came first; then followed a shower of saucepans, plates, and dishes. The Duchess took no notice of them even when they hit her; and the baby was howling so much already, that it was quite impossible to say whether the blows hurt it or not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOh, please<\/em> mind what you\u2019re doing!\u201d cried Alice, jumping up and down in an agony of terror. \u201cOh, there goes his precious<\/em> nose!\u201d as an unusually large saucepan flew close by it, and very nearly carried it off.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIf everybody minded their own business,\u201d the Duchess said in a hoarse growl, \u201cthe world would go round a deal faster than it does.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhich would not<\/em> be an advantage,\u201d said Alice, who felt very glad to get an opportunity of showing off a little of her knowledge. \u201cJust think of what work it would make with the day and night! You see the earth takes twenty-four hours to turn round on its axis\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cTalking of axes,\u201d said the Duchess, \u201cchop off her head!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Alice glanced rather anxiously at the cook, to see if she meant to take the hint; but the cook was busily stirring the soup, and seemed not to be listening, so she went on again: \u201cTwenty-four hours, I think<\/em>; or is it twelve? I\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOh, don\u2019t bother me<\/em>,\u201d said the Duchess; \u201cI never could abide figures!\u201d And with that she began nursing her child again, singing a sort of lullaby to it as she did so, and giving it a violent shake at the end of every line:<\/p>\n\n\n\n CHORUS. While the Duchess sang the second verse of the song, she kept tossing the baby violently up and down, and the poor little thing howled so, that Alice could hardly hear the words:\u2014<\/p>\n\n\n\n CHORUS.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cHere! you may nurse it a bit, if you like!\u201d the Duchess said to Alice, flinging the baby at her as she spoke. \u201cI must go and get ready to play croquet with the Queen,\u201d and she hurried out of the room. The cook threw a frying-pan after her as she went out, but it just missed her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Alice caught the baby with some difficulty, as it was a queer-shaped little creature, and held out its arms and legs in all directions, \u201cjust like a star-fish,\u201d thought Alice. The poor little thing was snorting like a steam-engine when she caught it, and kept doubling itself up and straightening itself out again, so that altogether, for the first minute or two, it was as much as she could do to hold it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As soon as she had made out the proper way of nursing it, (which was to twist it up into a sort of knot, and then keep tight hold of its right ear and left foot, so as to prevent its undoing itself,) she carried it out into the open air. \u201cIf I don\u2019t take this child away with me,\u201d thought Alice, \u201cthey\u2019re sure to kill it in a day or two: wouldn\u2019t it be murder to leave it behind?\u201d She said the last words out loud, and the little thing grunted in reply (it had left off sneezing by this time). \u201cDon\u2019t grunt,\u201d said Alice; \u201cthat\u2019s not at all a proper way of expressing yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n The baby grunted again, and Alice looked very anxiously into its face to see what was the matter with it. There could be no doubt that it had a very<\/em> turn-up nose, much more like a snout than a real nose; also its eyes were getting extremely small for a baby: altogether Alice did not like the look of the thing at all. \u201cBut perhaps it was only sobbing,\u201d she thought, and looked into its eyes again, to see if there were any tears.<\/p>\n\n\n\n No, there were no tears. \u201cIf you\u2019re going to turn into a pig, my dear,\u201d said Alice, seriously, \u201cI\u2019ll have nothing more to do with you. Mind now!\u201d The poor little thing sobbed again (or grunted, it was impossible to say which), and they went on for some while in silence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Alice was just beginning to think to herself, \u201cNow, what am I to do with this creature when I get it home?\u201d when it grunted again, so violently, that she looked down into its face in some alarm. This time there could be no<\/em> mistake about it: it was neither more nor less than a pig, and she felt that it would be quite absurd for her to carry it further.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So she set the little creature down, and felt quite relieved to see it trot away quietly into the wood. \u201cIf it had grown up,\u201d she said to herself, \u201cit would have made a dreadfully ugly child: but it makes rather a handsome pig, I think.\u201d And she began thinking over other children she knew, who might do very well as pigs, and was just saying to herself, \u201cif one only knew the right way to change them\u2014\u201d when she was a little startled by seeing the Cheshire Cat sitting on a bough of a tree a few yards off.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice. It looked good-natured, she thought: still it had very<\/em> long claws and a great many teeth, so she felt that it ought to be treated with respect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cCheshire Puss,\u201d she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all know whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned a little wider. \u201cCome, it\u2019s pleased so far,\u201d thought Alice, and she went on. \u201cWould you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThat depends a good deal on where you want to get to,\u201d said the Cat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI don\u2019t much care where\u2014\u201d said Alice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThen it doesn\u2019t matter which way you go,\u201d said the Cat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201c\u2014so long as I get somewhere<\/em>,\u201d Alice added as an explanation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOh, you\u2019re sure to do that,\u201d said the Cat, \u201cif you only walk long enough.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried another question. \u201cWhat sort of people live about here?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIn that<\/em> direction,\u201d the Cat said, waving its right paw round, \u201clives a Hatter: and in that<\/em> direction,\u201d waving the other paw, \u201clives a March Hare. Visit either you like: they\u2019re both mad.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBut I don\u2019t want to go among mad people,\u201d Alice remarked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOh, you can\u2019t help that,\u201d said the Cat: \u201cwe\u2019re all mad here. I\u2019m mad. You\u2019re mad.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cHow do you know I\u2019m mad?\u201d said Alice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou must be,\u201d said the Cat, \u201cor you wouldn\u2019t have come here.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Alice didn\u2019t think that proved it at all; however, she went on \u201cAnd how do you know that you\u2019re mad?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cTo begin with,\u201d said the Cat, \u201ca dog\u2019s not mad. You grant that?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI suppose so,\u201d said Alice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWell, then,\u201d the Cat went on, \u201cyou see, a dog growls when it\u2019s angry, and wags its tail when it\u2019s pleased. Now I<\/em> growl when I\u2019m pleased, and wag my tail when I\u2019m angry. Therefore I\u2019m mad.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI<\/em> call it purring, not growling,\u201d said Alice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cCall it what you like,\u201d said the Cat. \u201cDo you play croquet with the Queen to-day?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI should like it very much,\u201d said Alice, \u201cbut I haven\u2019t been invited yet.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou\u2019ll see me there,\u201d said the Cat, and vanished.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Alice was not much surprised at this, she was getting so used to queer things happening. While she was looking at the place where it had been, it suddenly appeared again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBy-the-bye, what became of the baby?\u201d said the Cat. \u201cI\u2019d nearly forgotten to ask.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIt turned into a pig,\u201d Alice quietly said, just as if it had come back in a natural way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI thought it would,\u201d said the Cat, and vanished again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Alice waited a little, half expecting to see it again, but it did not appear, and after a minute or two she walked on in the direction in which the March Hare was said to live. \u201cI\u2019ve seen hatters before,\u201d she said to herself; \u201cthe March Hare will be much the most interesting, and perhaps as this is May it won\u2019t be raving mad\u2014at least not so mad as it was in March.\u201d As she said this, she looked up, and there was the Cat again, sitting on a branch of a tree.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cDid you say pig, or fig?\u201d said the Cat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI said pig,\u201d replied Alice; \u201cand I wish you wouldn\u2019t keep appearing and vanishing so suddenly: you make one quite giddy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n \u201cAll right,\u201d said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which remained some time after the rest of it had gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWell! I\u2019ve often seen a cat without a grin,\u201d thought Alice; \u201cbut a grin without a cat! It\u2019s the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n She had not gone much farther before she came in sight of the house of the March Hare: she thought it must be the right house, because the chimneys were shaped like ears and the roof was thatched with fur. It was so large a house, that she did not like to go nearer till she had nibbled some more of the lefthand bit of mushroom, and raised herself to about two feet high: even then she walked up towards it rather timidly, saying to herself \u201cSuppose it should be raving mad after all! I almost wish I\u2019d gone to see the Hatter instead!\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Pig and Pepper<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-500","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-chapter"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/500","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=500"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/500\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":542,"href":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/500\/revisions\/542"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=500"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=500"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=500"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"\"](\"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/illustration-21-300x248.png\")
<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\u201cSpeak roughly to your little boy,
And beat him when he sneezes:
He only does it to annoy,
Because he knows it teases.\u201d<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
(In which the cook and the baby joined):<\/p>\n\n\n\n\u201cWow! wow! wow!\u201d<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI speak severely to my boy,
I beat him when he sneezes;
For he can thoroughly enjoy
The pepper when he pleases!\u201d<\/pre>\n\n\n\n\u201cWow! wow! wow!\u201d<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
![\"Alice](\"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/illustration-24-300x200.png\")
<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n