{"id":513,"date":"2023-10-29T03:31:22","date_gmt":"2023-10-29T03:31:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/?p=513"},"modified":"2023-10-29T03:31:22","modified_gmt":"2023-10-29T03:31:22","slug":"alice-in-wonderland-ch-11","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/index.php\/2023\/10\/29\/alice-in-wonderland-ch-11\/","title":{"rendered":"Alice in Wonderland\u2014Ch. 11"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Who Stole the Tarts?<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne when they arrived, with a great crowd assembled about them\u2014all sorts of little birds and beasts, as well as the whole pack of cards: the Knave was standing before them, in chains, with a soldier on each side to guard him; and near the King was the White Rabbit, with a trumpet in one hand, and a scroll of parchment in the other. In the very middle of the court was a table, with a large dish of tarts upon it: they looked so good, that it made Alice quite hungry to look at them\u2014\u201cI wish they\u2019d get the trial done,\u201d she thought, \u201cand hand round the refreshments!\u201d But there seemed to be no chance of this, so she began looking at everything about her, to pass away the time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Alice had never been in a court of justice before, but she had read about them in books, and she was quite pleased to find that she knew the name of nearly everything there. \u201cThat\u2019s the judge,\u201d she said to herself, \u201cbecause of his great wig.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The judge, by the way, was the King; and as he wore his crown over the wig, (look at the frontispiece if you want to see how he did it,) he did not look at all comfortable, and it was certainly not becoming.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAnd that\u2019s the jury-box,\u201d thought Alice, \u201cand those twelve creatures,\u201d (she was obliged to say \u201ccreatures,\u201d you see, because some of them were animals, and some were birds,) \u201cI suppose they are the jurors.\u201d She said this last word two or three times over to herself, being rather proud of it: for she thought, and rightly too, that very few little girls of her age knew the meaning of it at all. However, \u201cjury-men\u201d would have done just as well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates. \u201cWhat are they doing?\u201d Alice whispered to the Gryphon. \u201cThey can\u2019t have anything to put down yet, before the trial\u2019s begun.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThey\u2019re putting down their names,\u201d the Gryphon whispered in reply, \u201cfor fear they should forget them before the end of the trial.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cStupid things!\u201d Alice began in a loud, indignant voice, but she stopped hastily, for the White Rabbit cried out, \u201cSilence in the court!\u201d and the King put on his spectacles and looked anxiously round, to make out who was talking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over their shoulders, that all the jurors were writing down \u201cstupid things!\u201d on their slates, and she could even make out that one of them didn\u2019t know how to spell \u201cstupid,\u201d and that he had to ask his neighbour to tell him. \u201cA nice muddle their slates\u2019ll be in before the trial\u2019s over!\u201d thought Alice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This of course, Alice could not<\/em> stand, and she went round the court and got behind him, and very soon found an opportunity of taking it away. She did it so quickly that the poor little juror (it was Bill, the Lizard) could not make out at all what had become of it; so, after hunting all about for it, he was obliged to write with one finger for the rest of the day; and this was of very little use, as it left no mark on the slate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHerald, read the accusation!\u201d said the King.<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"A<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

On this the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and then unrolled the parchment scroll, and read as follows:\u2014<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts,
    All on a summer day:
The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts,
    And took them quite away!\u201d<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
\u201cConsider your verdict,\u201d the King said to the jury.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNot yet, not yet!\u201d the Rabbit hastily interrupted. \u201cThere\u2019s a great deal to come before that!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cCall the first witness,\u201d said the King; and the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and called out, \u201cFirst witness!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a teacup in one hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in the other. \u201cI beg pardon, your Majesty,\u201d he began, \u201cfor bringing these in: but I hadn\u2019t quite finished my tea when I was sent for.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou ought to have finished,\u201d said the King. \u201cWhen did you begin?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had followed him into the court, arm-in-arm with the Dormouse. \u201cFourteenth of March, I think<\/em> it was,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cFifteenth,\u201d said the March Hare.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSixteenth,\u201d added the Dormouse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWrite that down,\u201d the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up, and reduced the answer to shillings and pence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cTake off your hat,\u201d the King said to the Hatter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt isn\u2019t mine,\u201d said the Hatter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cStolen!<\/em>\u201d the King exclaimed, turning to the jury, who instantly made a memorandum of the fact.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI keep them to sell,\u201d the Hatter added as an explanation; \u201cI\u2019ve none of my own. I\u2019m a hatter.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began staring at the Hatter, who turned pale and fidgeted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cGive your evidence,\u201d said the King; \u201cand don\u2019t be nervous, or I\u2019ll have you executed on the spot.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n
\n
\"A<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n
This did not seem to encourage the witness at all: he kept shifting from one foot to the other, looking uneasily at the Queen, and in his confusion he bit a large piece out of his teacup instead of the bread-and-butter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation, which puzzled her a good deal until she made out what it was: she was beginning to grow larger again, and she thought at first she would get up and leave the court; but on second thoughts she decided to remain where she was as long as there was room for her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI wish you wouldn\u2019t squeeze so.\u201d said the Dormouse, who was sitting next to her. \u201cI can hardly breathe.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI can\u2019t help it,\u201d said Alice very meekly: \u201cI\u2019m growing.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou\u2019ve no right to grow here<\/em>,\u201d said the Dormouse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDon\u2019t talk nonsense,\u201d said Alice more boldly: \u201cyou know you\u2019re growing too.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYes, but I<\/em> grow at a reasonable pace,\u201d said the Dormouse: \u201cnot in that ridiculous fashion.\u201d And he got up very sulkily and crossed over to the other side of the court.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
All this time the Queen had never left off staring at the Hatter, and, just as the Dormouse crossed the court, she said to one of the officers of the court, \u201cBring me the list of the singers in the last concert!\u201d on which the wretched Hatter trembled so, that he shook both his shoes off.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cGive your evidence,\u201d the King repeated angrily, \u201cor I\u2019ll have you executed, whether you\u2019re nervous or not.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019m a poor man, your Majesty,\u201d the Hatter began, in a trembling voice, \u201c\u2014and I hadn\u2019t begun my tea\u2014not above a week or so\u2014and what with the bread-and-butter getting so thin\u2014and the twinkling of the tea\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThe twinkling of the what?<\/em>\u201d said the King.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt began<\/em> with the tea,\u201d the Hatter replied.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOf course twinkling begins with a T!\u201d said the King sharply. \u201cDo you take me for a dunce? Go on!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019m a poor man,\u201d the Hatter went on, \u201cand most things twinkled after that\u2014only the March Hare said\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t!\u201d the March Hare interrupted in a great hurry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou did!\u201d said the Hatter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI deny it!\u201d said the March Hare.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe denies it,\u201d said the King: \u201cleave out that part.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWell, at any rate, the Dormouse said\u2014\u201d the Hatter went on, looking anxiously round to see if he would deny it too: but the Dormouse denied nothing, being fast asleep.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAfter that,\u201d continued the Hatter, \u201cI cut some more bread-and-butter\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBut what did the Dormouse say?\u201d one of the jury asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat I can\u2019t remember,\u201d said the Hatter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou must<\/em> remember,\u201d remarked the King, \u201cor I\u2019ll have you executed.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread-and-butter, and went down on one knee. \u201cI\u2019m a poor man, your Majesty,\u201d he began.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou\u2019re a very<\/em> poor speaker<\/em>,\u201d said the King.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately suppressed by the officers of the court. (As that is rather a hard word, I will just explain to you how it was done. They had a large canvas bag, which tied up at the mouth with strings: into this they slipped the guinea-pig, head first, and then sat upon it.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019m glad I\u2019ve seen that done,\u201d thought Alice. \u201cI\u2019ve so often read in the newspapers, at the end of trials, \u201cThere was some attempts at applause, which was immediately suppressed by the officers of the court,\u201d and I never understood what it meant till now.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIf that\u2019s all you know about it, you may stand down,\u201d continued the King.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI can\u2019t go no lower,\u201d said the Hatter: \u201cI\u2019m on the floor, as it is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThen you may sit<\/em> down,\u201d the King replied.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Here the other guinea-pig cheered, and was suppressed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cCome, that finished the guinea-pigs!\u201d thought Alice. \u201cNow we shall get on better.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019d rather finish my tea,\u201d said the Hatter, with an anxious look at the Queen, who was reading the list of singers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou may go,\u201d said the King, and the Hatter hurriedly left the court, without even waiting to put his shoes on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201c\u2014and just take his head off outside,\u201d the Queen added to one of the officers: but the Hatter was out of sight before the officer could get to the door.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cCall the next witness!\u201d said the King.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The next witness was the Duchess\u2019s cook. She carried the pepper-box in her hand, and Alice guessed who it was, even before she got into the court, by the way the people near the door began sneezing all at once.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cGive your evidence,\u201d said the King.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cShan\u2019t,\u201d said the cook.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The King looked anxiously at the White Rabbit, who said in a low voice, \u201cYour Majesty must cross-examine this<\/em> witness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWell, if I must, I must,\u201d the King said, with a melancholy air, and, after folding his arms and frowning at the cook till his eyes were nearly out of sight, he said in a deep voice, \u201cWhat are tarts made of?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cPepper, mostly,\u201d said the cook.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cTreacle,\u201d said a sleepy voice behind her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cCollar that Dormouse,\u201d the Queen shrieked out. \u201cBehead that Dormouse! Turn that Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch him! Off with his whiskers!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, getting the Dormouse turned out, and, by the time they had settled down again, the cook had disappeared.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNever mind!\u201d said the King, with an air of great relief. \u201cCall the next witness.\u201d And he added in an undertone to the Queen, \u201cReally, my dear, you<\/em> must cross-examine the next witness. It quite makes my forehead ache!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled over the list, feeling very curious to see what the next witness would be like, \u201c\u2014for they haven\u2019t got much evidence yet<\/em>,\u201d she said to herself. Imagine her surprise, when the White Rabbit read out, at the top of his shrill little voice, the name \u201cAlice!\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Who Stole the Tarts?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-513","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-chapter"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/513","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=513"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/513\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":564,"href":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/513\/revisions\/564"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=513"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=513"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/earlywithdrawal.net\/victoriana\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=513"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}