Poboho

The boho fashion style is putatively based on a bohemian aesthetic, but it is really more of a mash-up of hippie and Gunne Sax aesthetics. It’s what a farm girl might have worn in the 1920s — albeit a very horny, lesbian, college-educated farm girl. The farm house would be rustic, and you’d know it because the decor would be from Ikea’s Authentic Rustic Farm House department.

That’s not me. I’m more like post-boho. In fact, since future historians will likely identify me as the leader of the movement (if not its only member) I feel obliged to document it here.

Poboho is not just an aesthetic, it’s a lifestyle. The best way to get a flavour of it is to imagine living in a house without central heating, but you have a 9000 kroner Microsoft tablet that you warm your feet on. And yes, you paid in kroner because although you are sophisticated enough to be an international traveler, you are not sophisticated enough to pack a suitcase responsibly.

Utility belts are a must. That’s because you never know when you should need your LED lamp, and when you do, it’s to see what you’re doing with an electrician’s screwdriver. If you find you need to go to the cellar, it’s tempting to ask, do I really need mace? If it’s already on your belt, you never need therapy later on.

There is a half-kilo of keys in one of my pouches, there is a Leatherman-type thing with crescent wrench and nut driver, and a digital recorder for police encounters (my lawyer recommends the Zoom H1 series). I think a carpenter’s belt could work as a utility belt, but experience prefers pouches that can be sealed; poboho does not define your relationship to gravity.

Boots are important — not just to avoid injuring your feet on the rustic floor — but because they are the final tool.

Don’t forget your headscarf. I’m not saying spiders are nice, but they are, in a way, our friends, aren’t they? Because they catch the little things we can’t? Anyway, headscarves are nice, and can be pretty, too.

The last touch to any poboho ensemble is the dust mask, either worn on the face or hanging from the utility belt. Covid has been a blessing to the poboho fashion industry, but it’s best to stock up while you can. Pandemics just seem to end, leaving you to wonder how time went by so fast.