Self-Possession

Anne Lister was an English land owner and business woman in the first half of the 19th century. She was also a poorly disguised lesbian. Her extraordinary life has been beautifully white-washed in the BBC series, “Gentleman Jack.”

Lister left very detailed diaries in which modern readers can follow not only her sexual exploits, but how she made mistakes and learned from her mistakes. Her self-possession was quite extraordinary. She cared little for what others thought of her, other than how her opportunities were affected by their opinions. Every relationship (other than that with her aunt) had strategic significance or none at all. Her one true friend — her muse, her guide, her witness, her judge — was her diary.

Anne Lister toyed with the idea of becoming an author, but never got around to it, presumably for lack of something to say to readers of her time. Her diaries were published 148 years after her death, which was arguably the earliest time they could have found an audience.

One can hardly imagine the scandal and the outrage that her diaries would have caused in 1840. There would be no aspect of her life that would not be at least tainted by the observed public reaction. Even her servants would smirk. The opinion of others, regardless of whether she respected them, would have defined her existence.

If Anne Lister lived out her adventures today, she might appear once or twice in a celebrity gossip column, but would otherwise pass as a hard-headed business woman who married an heiress. Her only oddity would be her penchant for wearing a Victorian man’s jacket with a full-length black skirt.

I would be easily convinced that every age has its Anne Lister, each lost to history. We quite nearly lost Lister’s story because she had hidden her diaries in a wall of her house; she had no intention that they should be read by others.

Social media is a venue in which posters appeal to what they perceive to be conventional tastes. In other words, it is a conspiracy of averageness. I think, at some point in life, one must retire from social media. There must come a point at which one’s life experience emboldens her to follow her own lights. This needs no reference to the average and by definition cannot have any.